An allusion is a literary device used by an author to prove how much more he knows than you, and to mask the lack of true substance in his piece. I say “he” because it occurs most often in oldtimey works and was used as ammo in the great pissing contests of the elite- aka men with too much decorum and not enough body strength to wrestle their ways into positions of superiority over their peers.
As for women way back then, when they were allowed to read and write instead of sew and cook and whatever else occupied all their time (and I’m not sure there was much; contrary to popular belief, the majority of women neither dressed as men and fought in wars nor were princesses with seventeen gentlemen callers apiece [See? I just made an allusion you probably didn’t catch, proving that I know more than you do!]) had to imitate the men in order to best the men in their own pissing contests (it’s good these are metaphorical pissing contests, the kind that kills rhodendrons [Look! Another allusion! I know even more now, which was still more than you!] because if they were literal, the woman would have no chance) in order to get even a tiny bit of credit for their intelligence, so you really can’t blame them.
Anyways, this all resulted in long, rambling sentences with about a dozen different ideas each and words longer than most sentences a normal person would typically say. So when you get about halfway through one of those oldtimey works by one of those oldtimey authors, you have to go reread the beginning, because you lost track of what the hell it was about around sentence two (the first sentence is kind of normal in order to hook the reader like a gaping fish and draw it out of the water so it just dangles in midair, getting more and more disoriented with each obscure reference and mixed metaphor until it passes out. And dies). Then the author realizes how confusing it all is, and instead of going back and freaking fixing it, makes some weird conclusion that you really ought to understand if you’re smarter than the average prole (A third one! I’m just cranking them out. I deserve one of those kick-ass nicknames, like Scruffy or Bowser, except cooler and more “allusive”) and read- well, whatever it was.
Thus, allusions kill (A fourth one! I’ll be nice and explain this one to you- it’s a play on the phrase “Friends tell”, mirroring its combination simplicity in phrasing and gravity in message. Or something like that. The point is, I know more than you!).
Thought for the day: Make a decision. If it sucks, make another one.
Signed,
Two of Wands
